The Skystalker Chronicles
by Doc Drabble
Summary: Another long-ago time, another far-away galaxy. A love story that tangles itself spider-like among the stars, fate tugging at the threads to draw them ever closer... Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Lucy Skystalker spat in the hot green dirt of Trianglon 3 and headed back to the Moonblast Megarocket, her ears still ringing from the lengthy laser battle. Behind her slumped the smouldering remains of the Thunder Troopess base which she had exploded in the name of the Light Force. Dara Vadre had escaped in the nick of time, of course, but the next time she would not be so lucky.

She climbed into the control pit of the Megarocket and lifted off, lighting a space cigarette as the autocomputer jacked in. As she softly exhaled she glanced at the holophoto of Princess Lee-Anne pinned to the dash. How her heart ached for her beloved...

'Hello, mistress,' chimed C3XOXO, her silver plated butler-babe-bot. 'What is our destination?'

'The DeathMoon,' breathed Lucy, stubbing out her cigarette as the beautiful robot's eyebrow raising program kicked in. 'We're gonna finish this once and for all. Light force - Activate!'


	2. Chapter 2

Parsecs slid past the giant sperspex (space perspex) windows of the Megarocket as Lucy Skystalker made her way to the DeathMoon. 'Look at me now, Mom!' she smiled wryly, thinking of all the times her Mom had discouraged her from becoming a Jadi Knightess.

The communications widget bleeked, and she slid the answer capsule three clicks to the right to accept the incoming transcom. Dara Vadre's cruel but beautiful face filled the interpane.

'What do you want?' asked Lucy suspiciously. 'I'm totally gonna blow up the DeathMoon and there's nothing you can do about it!'

'Such a bitter apple has fallen from my tree,' said Dara wistfully. 'Where did I go wrong? Drop the heroine act, honey. Turn around and go home before I have to take measures we'll both regret.'

'Screw you, Mom!' shouted Lucy, punching the interpane and disrupting the isotonic field. Dara's face flickered about a bit, then vanished.

'We appear to have a problem, m'lady,' intoned C3XOXO dolefully. 'An emoto-missile is heading right for us. Impact in 4 minus 3 minutes.'

'You mean one minute, right?' asked Lucy, slightly panicked despite how badass she was.

'Sorry, m'lady, I only know it in robot time.'

'I HATE YOU, MOM!' cried Lucy as the missile streaked towards them. Could this be the end for Lucy Skystalker? Find out next time!


	3. Chapter 3

The emoto-missile crashed into the Megarocket, neatly knocking through and plugging a porthole before releasing it's sweet smelling pink gas.

'Stakko!' future-swore Lucy, clamping a hand over her mouth and nose and grabbing an issue of Voluptuous Venusians to waft the cloud away.

'Never fear, m'lady!' chimed C3XOXO. 'I won't be affected, on account of how I'm a robot.' The shapely femtron shuffled over to the porthole and tapped ineffectually on the firmly stuck missile. Then her eyes flashed red. 'C3XOXO angry! C3XOXO ignore laws of robotics and kill instead!'

'Drokk!' future-swore Lucy again. 'I forgot about the small piece of human brain in C3XOXO's CPU!' She removed her hands from her mouth just long enough to remotely deactivate C3XOXO, but in that instant the nano-emotobots entered her mouth pipe!

A great sadness suddenly came over Lucy. 'Why?' she sobbed. 'Why does my Mom hate me? I mean sure, I cut off her arm, but she cut mine off first! I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE!'

Gripped with anguish, she grappled with the Megarocket's joypad, steering the ship towards a nearby planetoid, intent on ending it all in a blaze of exploding doom! And if you want to find out what happened next, you must read the next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

So you're wondering whether Lucy Skystalker crashed into the planetoid, right? If you are, yes she did. If you're not, you probably clicked the last chapter '' and you should go back and read the rest!

Anyway, fortunately the Megarocket was equipped with giant air sacks that deployed seconds before impact, cushioning the occupants. The onboard computron's display suggested the atmosphere was breathable, so Lucy hammered the door release. The emotobots quickly dispersed, replaced by a wave of delicious fresh air. She quickly recovered, and reactivated C3XOXO, who chased her around a bit before sneezing out the last of the emotobots.

'Whew, that's better!' said Lucy. 'Now where the frak are we?'

'According to my Ordinance Survey Holomap of Most of Space Sectors, this is the Planetoid of Sapphic Robot Vampire Chicks.'

'Holy frell!' said Lucy.

And sure enough, when they stepped outside there were smexy robot vampire chicks all over the place. They wanted to make love to C3XOXO and drink her oil, but Lucy was like 'Hell no!' so she blasted them all away with her holopistol. Or at least, she tried to, but the hologrammatic bullets passed straight through the robot vampires!

'Ha, did you think we'd actually be the robot vampires?' cackled the tallest of the robot vampires. 'We are in fact hologrammatic projections of ourselves, and therefore immune to your hologrammatic bullets. If you want to kill us, you will have to come to our secret cave in the north mountains.'

'Gorram robot vampires,' growled Lucy. 'Let's go get 'em!'

_Author's note - I feel it may be prudent to clarify that I don't own the words stakko, drokk, frak, frell or gorram. - D.D._


End file.
